Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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