Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
