No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
