Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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