I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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