Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The adults are the big ones right?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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