i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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