He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
