I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
