Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
