shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I have already put on my inside pants.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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