Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
