fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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