An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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