My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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