My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
