Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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