Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
