Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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