Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
