a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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