love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
they need to just BURY HIM!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
