God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think a kid would responsible me up
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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