Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
