You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
