No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
