my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
