Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
