Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
