When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
