I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
