when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
