Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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