It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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