I bet he comes in French.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
