Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
