The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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