Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
