Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
