Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
