Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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