D3 body, D1 cock
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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