maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
