I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
