my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
