porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Hippo gnu deer
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I AM VODKA MAN
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
