wakey wakey hands off snakey
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
