ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
