Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
