that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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